Monday, December 11, 2017 07:18

Fuck Valentine’s Day! (Right In It’s Heart-Shaped Box)

So, I’ve seen (on the Internet) and heard (here at work) a lot of sturm und drang over today’s “holiday” in all sorts of directions. They ranged from this entry’s title to “Valentine’s Day is a tool of our capitalistic overlords designed to pad the wallets of candy and card makers” all the way back to  the other extreme of “How dare you oppress my expression of undying love to my soul mate you miserable fucking wretch!”

And you know what?  They’re right.  Every single one of them, at least a little bit, despite seeming to be coming from diametrically opposed positions.

Let’s start in the middle with the “Valentine’s Day was invented by Hallmark to sell cards, candy and flowers!” Not really true, do a little research and you’ll see there are several saints who were named Valentine, all of them Christian martyrs and at least one of whom was buried on February 14th.  Valentine’s Day didn’t take on romantic connotations until the 14th century and Geoffrey Chaucer.

Around 1800, the exchange of short verses of affection came into vogue, originally these were hand written and delivered in person. Fast forward through the rise of manufacturing automation, the coming of affordable widespread postal delivery and then the allure of letting a complete stranger write the perfect expression of love for you and suddenly you can begin to understand why the greeting card industry loves Valentine’s Day, and why every company from candy makers to the diamond industry (and oh, I could write an entire post about THAT) do their damnedest to make sure we associate their product with the only acceptable expression of True Love out there.  But that’s a symptom, not the cause.

Related to this, and often included with it, are the cries of “You shouldn’t need one special day to express your love, it should be every day!”

Yeah, and in a perfect world, nobody would go to bed hungry, nobody would have to work a job they hated, we’d all hold hands and sing “Kumbayah” and there would be nightly visits from The Blow Job Fairy…

But, as evidenced by the fact that I still have things to write about here, it’s not a perfect world. In spite of that, is there really something wrong with there being at least one day set aside for expressing how you feel about a special someone? As long as it isn’t the only day of the year you do this, and then you only do it because you think you are obligated to… And besides, if you eliminate Valentine’s Day, why not stop celebrating birthdays too? Or any holiday for that matter? What a depressing grey world that would be!

Besides, if it makes someone happy to give, or receive (or both) a gift on Valentine’s Day, where’s the harm in that? Hell, if smashing your dick repeatedly between the seat and the toilet makes you happy, go for it. Not my thing, but more power to you.

Which segues nicely into: Fuck Valentine’s Day. Seriously. It doesn’t make me happy, in fact quite the opposite, it makes me pissy and stabbey and pokey. It turns me into a collection of hard edges and sharp angles that will likely hurt you if you get too close. I can count the number of positive Valentine’s Days I can remember on one hand, and when I look back with hindsight at the long term results, they’re pretty suspect as well.  So again, “Fuck Valentine’s Day.

And that’s not a bid for pity, don’t mistake it for that. And it is much more “I’m angry and bitter on Valentine’s Day because I’m alone” than it is “I’m alone on Valentine’s Day because I’m angry and bitter.”  So again, “Fuck Valentine’s Day.

But nowhere have I said “You shouldn’t enjoy Valentine’s Day because I don’t.” Yeah, sometimes other people’s happiness makes my awareness of my lack thereof  more obvious, but I’m not so miserable that I actively try to drag other people down with me. So I apologize if it seems that way, but at least for me, it is not. So again, and perhaps more clearly, “Fuck MY Valentine’s Day.

And I’m not saying I’ll never have another great Valentine’s Day, I’m not saying I don’t wish every year for it. I’m saying I’m just not holding my breath at this point.

But talking about it makes it a little easier. I say how much I don’t like Valentine’s Day and it eases the pressure a little.  And hopefully now I have made it clear that I in no way want you to not like Valentine’s Day, and indeed, if you are reading this, I sincerely hope you had an excellent one, and I sincerely hope each one from now on is better than the one before.

2 Responses to “Fuck Valentine’s Day! (Right In It’s Heart-Shaped Box)”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joe OToole, Ron Sago. Ron Sago said: FINALLY!!! @TheRock has returned to the WWE? Well, that, and finally a new #NameThisBlog too! http://goo.gl/usu8k Valentine's edition. […]

  2. Tamara says:

    I agree. Fuck Valentines Day.

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